We’ve all been there. We’ve all felt the excitement. That rush, the thrill. Uncontrollable urge to explode all over someone else. Metaphorically mostly.
But is it wrong? Well, morally and ethically no, it is quite alright to make a mess on someone else’s body or property. Health-wise, it is probably debatable. So we should probably do some sort of test, come up with a conclusion and then tell no-one.
Scientists Now Say took it upon themselves to do bit of experimenting. Head Sciencer Franz Reichelt spent 6 minutes designing a fool proof and rather fun experiment. The details of which are about to follow these very words. After a picture.
Kelly Brook – moments after possibly taking someone’s eye out. Butter wouldn’t melt. She was heard to yell “have that ya bastard” before unleashing her load. (For legal reason’s SNS need to clarify that Kelly Brook has never, to our knowledge, injured anyone with a party popper)
Experiment
Method
Franz to release party poppers repeatedly into the faces and onto the bodies of 5 contractually willing and low-paid humans. Suggested popper per person ratio 10:1. For true scientific accuracy absolutely no safety gear would be worn by the participants.
Results
1. Franz enjoyed himself a lot.
2. One contestant claimed to now be completely blind. However, on inspection, our onsite doctor confirmed only partial-blindness in one eye.
3. Three of the contestants didn’t feel much physical pain but did feel somewhat degraded by the whole thing.
4. The final participant turned out to have a fetish for this sort of thing. While suffering mild physical pain upon receiving the party popper barrages, she actually got a bit of a mental high from it.
Conclusion
Yes, party poppers fired directly at humans can cause pain. Or at least cause emotional trouble.
Don’t do it. Don’t be Kelly Brook.
Franz Reichelt, Melbourne, 2017
scientists now say... 